On Knowing When to Add a Little Backstory
This week's final free post is here! Don't miss out!
It’s Friday!! Finally!!!
This was a big week for me, what with the release of TWO SIDES TO EVERY MURDER. As I hope you’re all aware by now, I’ve made all posts this week FREE to readers regardless of subscription status as a little way of saying thanks for the support.
But before we get to today’s reader’s first page, here’s a little bit about TWO SIDES TO EVERY MURDER:
Most people’s births aren’t immortalized in a police report—but Olivia was born during the infamous Camp Lost Lake murders. Seventeen years later, Olivia’s life looks pretty perfect . . . until she discovers the man she calls dad is not her biological father. Now she wants answers about her bloodline, and the only place she knows to look is Camp Lost Lake.
Most people don’t spend their formative years on the run with an alleged murderer—but Reagan did. In the court of public opinion, her mom was found guilty of the deaths at Camp Lost Lake, and both of them have been in hiding ever since. But Reagan believes in her mother’s innocence and is determined to clear her name.
Luckily for Olivia and Reagan, Camp Lost Lake is finally reopening, providing the perfect opportunity to find answers. But someone else is dead set on keeping the past hidden, even if it means committing murder.
TWO SIDES TO EVERY MURDER is out NOW wherever books are sold, but you can click any of the links below to buy now:
Now on to our first page!
Lydia liked to visit her sister at dawn when the low light of the early morning made it easier to pretend that Princess Aurelia Elsworth was only asleep.
DV: Good. I like this detail, “low light of the early morning.” Also, the way you phrased that, “made it easier to pretend that Princess Aurelia Elsworth was only asleep” does a great job of telling me that something’s wrong without actually telling me. Very intriguing start.
“It’s going to be warm today,” Lydia said. She paused for a singular hopeful moment, unable to face her sister as she waited. As always, there was only silence.
Her foolish optimism tried again. “The Assembly is coming up. It will be the fifth one since”
DV: Again, great job of including details that make it very clear what’s going on without coming out and saying it.
Guilt choked her. Carefully navigating the wires and machines that monitored her sister, Lydia sank to the floor beside the bed. “Wake up,” she pleaded. She took a cold, limp hand in both of hers and squeezed tightly, searching for even the smallest flutter of response.
As she had for the last four years, Aurelia remained silent and immobile. Despite her corpse-like appearance, Lydia had been assured that Aurelia wasn’t dead. But she was trapped, lost to a curse that no magic, medicine, or desperation could break.
DV: For those reading along, she’s now come right out and told us what’s going on with her sister, but this isn’t shocking or confusing because she’s done such a great job of including leading details up to this moment. So when she writes that Aurelia is “silent and immobile” it doesn’t feel like she’s telling us this, because she’s already shown us so much. Masterful job.
A curse that Lydia knew was all her fault.
DV: And now we have stakes established! Perfection.
Lydia glanced at the door behind her. It remained firmly closed, an unnecessary obstacle against those who had forgotten Aurelia anyway. But for the moment, it provided Lydia safety from those who carefully guarded her sister as well.
DV: Interesting… I wouldn’t hate a few more establishing details here. You’ve created a really beautiful set up and established some great stakes. This is a good time to tell us more about your world. Who are the people who had forgotten Aurelia? Who are the people who are guarding her? Why are they guarding her from Lydia? This is a great moment for backstory and I find myself hungry for it.
I also wouldn’t mind some description of the world we’re inhabiting right now. What does Aurelia look like? How old is she? What about Lydia? As they’re sisters, I’m assuming Lydia is a princess as well, but is that incorrect? Is she a bastard, perhaps, not titled? Or is Aurelia the crown princess and Lydia’s the spare?
She took a deep breath and focused.
At first, nothing happened. Then, Lydia’s hands glowed with a warm, golden light that illuminated Aurelia’s sickly, pallid skin. She squinted an eye open. Aurelia’s skin shined, almost lifelike. The blue veins in her arm blazed with the gold light.
Hope blossomed in Lydia’s chest. More. She took a deep breath, sharpening her focus and willing her healing light to her sister. She would give Aurelia everything if she had to. It was the last thought she had before the world swayed, and her head collided with the stone floor.
DV: Overall, this is a great start. I would definitely be turning the page. I can see already that you’ve established stakes and a world, and that you have a firm grasp of technique. At this point, my only real suggestion would be to find moments to include a little bit more world building and backstory so that we can get a sense of where we’re at, even before the story begins. These can be smaller details—you don’t necessarily have to go on a four page long explanation of the whole history of your world here! But I just find myself curious about what’s going on and where we’re located, especially as the stakes you’ve established are so juicy…
Great writing! Fantasy isn't the genre I usually read, but this was a very intriguing first page